That day after I posted, I decided to wallow in my sorrows for bit. I headed to Barnes and Noble and spent a good hour browsing. Something about being surrounded by books and magazines and Twilight calendars makes me feel better. It calms me. After purchasing some books for myself (why did I not know about Charlaine Harris's new Sookie book?) and my niece and nephew, I headed over to spend some time with them. Another activity that calms me. Sitting there and chatting with T and getting spontaneous hugs and kisses from R made me feel so loved. I know that I will never be too far away from that little girl. I think of nothing else when I'm with her. She restores hope for me and gives me the will to continue this journey.
I cannot thank you all enough for your kind words here and the numerous emails I received over the weekend. I am lucky to have such an amazing support system around me. I'm very aware that this journey is not an uncommon one. I appreciate those who where brave enough to say "hey, I"m going through the same thing, I know how you feel". It's not easy to talk about, at least not for me. one, I feel tears welling up in my eyes when I begin to say something to some one. I will chalk that up to the clomid. two, I'm just plain tired of talking about it. I don't want this to consume me like it has. I'm ready to let go of the stress. If we're suppose to just "forget about it" and let it happen, then that's what I want to do granted I'm still at my doctors office 3 times a month and I've got a bill that makes me gasp, I'm letting it go. The stress I mean, not the bill. :)
I'm still going to have those bad days where cake and tears are necessary but then I'll pick myself up, dust myself off and try again. (wise words from Aaliyah) Because that's what we do and because hope. never. dies.
ps..."hope never dies" was inspired by one my very favorite blogs, hope dies last. I'm so in love with her honesty and wit. Just wanted to give credit where credit it due.