in the moment, lost in thought.

Feeling a bit of everything at the moment. I'm way more in my head than I like to be. Trying to make the right decisions for myself and my family. It hasn't been easy. I think of every scenario, the past, the present, the future. I dare not make the wrong choice because I know it will be a costly one. I thrive on change but also hate regretting things I've done wrong. These turning points in my life are always accepted but also stressful and overwhelming.  I love that I have choices. Not a lot of people do. I just wish that I could have one big huge sign or arrow that points me in the direction I need to go. A gently shove towards the path I need to follow. A life guide of sorts. And then I remember this was an issue for me the winter before last. Before him. Lot's of tears and frustration. Wondering where my  life was headed, like this very moment. Thoughts of giving up and becoming an empty-nester, traveling the world and doing as I please. Thoughts of adopting a child in need of a loving mother and father.

I've been filing things away, unfinished. Literally...I carry a file folder in my bag with unpaid bills, medical claims, notes, to do's, grocery lists, receipts to things I need to return. Point blank, I know I need to buck up. I'm an Aries for goodness sake. A ram. Head strong, perpetually moving forward, confronting issues as they come. Going back to my point about the 2 winters ago, life seemed to come together once I let go. Once I stopped over-thinking and wondering and questioning, I think hope things will become clearer.

Until then, I've been here a lot. Usually late at night when every one's asleep. Helps get me out of my head. That and Zumba with friends.   Tyler also helps A LOT. I have probaly diverted more attention to him than I should. Not meaning that we as parents shouldn't dote over our happy children but getting the important stuff done, then doting. :)

(Photobooth App on Iphone.)