girl looooooves friday.

Happy...well, not happy. Just comforting to know a lot of you can relate to my last truth. I personally feel good about it. It's hard to forgive. When you've been burned, you get a little bitter and you protect yourself so it doesn't happen again. But I'm learning that you can't always protect yourself, that heartbreak and disappointment are inevitable. LIfe.....a constant learning experience. :)

Onto girl loves.

This photos just cracks me up. (found on Maternal Lens)

oh yeah....bread. I do love a fresh loaf of crusty bread dipped in good olive oil with fresh cracked black pepper. (found on Snippet and Ink)

alternative toys for the little mr. (found on OhDeeDoh) 

 
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Day five: Something you hope to do in your life.

Too many things on the hope list.
Crossed off the biggest one in March when I found out on Good Friday that we were pregnant after several years of trying. Hope is a constant.
If I had to choose one now and one that is most important, it would have to be being the best parent I can possibly be to my son. Granted, there will be mistakes made. I will be a new mom and can only read so many books and take in so much advise from other moms. Again, it'll all be a learning experience. I can only hope that being an older mom will lend to my patience and understanding that I cannot control and do everything myself.

Happy Friday friends. Enjoy the holiday weekend! And if you're an Alaskan, don't spend you PFD all in one place!
xot 

truths continued.

 
(my little brother who's not so little anymore. :) winter '09)

Day 3: Something you have to forgive yourself for.

ooh. this one's a toughie. how do you answer such a question and not dig deep into your emotions?
also wondering if this is something I want to tackle first thing Monday morning.
why not.

I've been holding onto a certain guilt since I moved out of my parents house when I was 17. It was the summer before I started my senior year of high school. Without getting into too much detail, things were not good with my home life and the new situation my brother and I were put into. It was overwhelming for me and I didn't like the person I was becoming. So I left and moved in with Jeff who is now my husband. I don't feel guilty about leaving home. I held a job and supported myself while I finished my last year of high school. I have to say it was quite fun to be on my own.
What I feel guilty about was leaving my little brother to deal with the "new" and at the time, unwelcome circumstances. I feel like this put a wedge between us because we were so close before. Having my mom leave, then me. We're still close but I'll never get back those few years I was gone, trying to find myself. I want to forgive myself for that. If I wanted to be well mentally, I had to remove myself from that time and place. I cannot hold onto the guilt of leaving him there. I was still there for him. He would come to visit my crappy apartment and spent the night a few times. And he knows that I will always be there for him. He makes me laugh like no one else can. He's become such a great man and he's so good to his wife and kids.
I'm so proud of him. His daughter and I are extremely close and this time next year, he'll be babysitting my little man.
It's definitely time to let go and forgive myself.
I sigh a deep breath of relief and it's done.

xot

ps...Barb had a great idea about including a self portrait to go along with my truths. I'm going to adapt that and post a photo related to the day's truth. I wish I prepared a little more for this one and included a photo of us when we were younger but this will have to do.

girl loves friday.

(an oldie but goodie from last fall. taken with a lensbaby)
 
TGIF is all I can really say about today and happy first of October.
Plans for the weekend? I may or may not go to the Make it Alaskan arts and crafts festival.
Not sure if I'm up to walking around a huge arena but I'm hoping that there will actually be something cool this year other than items made for tourists.
A quick family photoshoot with my brother and his family. I didn't want to rent a lens so I'm hoping I can get away with using my 50 1.4. We'll see how it pans out.
Some scrapbooking, more purging, cleaning & redecorating.
The usual weekend stuff I suppose.

At 30 weeks, I'm feeling good but tired. I'm ready to take a nap just walking up the stairs.
My belly button is almost an outie.
My feet are not too bad but my hands have swelled a good amount. Rings will be left off for awhile.
I desperately need a massage.
Putting together baby shower invites.
Pre-registered at the hospital.
Trying to find the right pediatrician.
Dealing with other symptoms I will not divulge in this non-private post.

Onto girl loves.

This vimeo of Tara Whitney and her beautiful family. Watching this just melts my heart...not that I know her personally but this video of their photos gives me a sense of the love they share and the bond that they hold.

This photo project. I put this in my nursery project folder.

Josh's man quilt. ah Jamaica. love that girl.

Possible baby shower cupcakes. (Bakerella)

Getting a text from my father saying he's sitting in front of Dustin Hoffman on his flight to LA. He and his wife are on their way to Tahiti. Yes, Tahiti.

++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
Day 2: Something you love about yourself.

Now I didn't say I would do 30 consecutive days of Truths but I will do my very best. :)

I've been thinking about this one for a few days now. I really wasn't sure at first. My first response would be my Independence but I really can't do anything by myself anymore now that I'm carrying a child.
I have to say it's my faith.
I don't have a specific religion although I was baptized and grew up going to Korean Christian churches. I do not attend church weekly or ever really. But I've never given up on my beliefs or my faith in God.
I would normally stay clear of talks of religion and politics here but I don't find my faith to be a part of religion really. It's just something embedded in me. Not sure the kind of person I would be now if I didn't believe or trust that I'm being taking care of. I strongly believe we're given choices in the paths we take with a gentle nudge from the big guy. Looking back at the hard times I've dealt with, I wanted to put the blame on him and give up believing that he was with me. But I never did and now I can fully understand why I had to go through those times to get where I am today. It shaped me. Changed me. Made me the woman I am today.

Happy October first.
xot

currents and a new prompt.

listening: Bat for Lashes
eating: nothing at the moment.
drinking: hot chocolate from heavenly cup.
wearing: boots, skinnies and a black tee. nothing special.
feeling: tired. so. very. tired.
weather: i don't know, it's dark right now.
wanting: to not be here behind this desk.
needing: to get my house in order.
thinking: i can't wait for maternity leave.
enjoying: the thought of being off work during the holidays.
wondering: why I'm the one everyone comes to when something goes wrong here? shouldn't they go to the source? oh yeah, the source is unreliable.

I suppose it doesn't help anything when I gripe about work and not wanting to be here. Makes for a much longer day, no? I need a poster of Paul Rudd's smiling mug with the quote "enjoy the day" which comes from the movie Knocked Up. I vision that when my mood is down. It helps a bit.

My maternity shoot with R&P Photographywent very well, great I should say. They were fun to work with and very creative which I find extremely important in a photographer. Not necessarily the skills or what they've learned in school. If there's no creative vibe, it's not going to work for me. Sorry if you've seen these on my Facebook wall but I've got to post them here because I'm so in love. Jeff and I have never done a photoshoot before except for the ones we had done at Sears when we were teenagers. oh man, I'll have to dig those out and post them sometime. :)

You can see the rest of my photo session peeks here.

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I'm always on the look out for blog writing prompts. Currents was a good way to fill a random mid week spot. btw...want to know where I got the concept from? That song from Dashboard Confessionals...a slow current. I thought to myself, today's a slow current. Wait, what if I post all my currents that day. So there, now you know. And if you yourself do a currents list, hit me up. I'd love to read what's current in your part of the world.

I found another prompt or project to post here to the blog through Hope Never Dies which lead me to Girlvaughn.com. And I'm not sure  why I never include such blogs when I'm asked which blogs inspire me. Sure, visual blogs inspire me but I do love a well written blog just as much.
Here's the 411. Follow along if you'd like.

30 Days of Truths. Are you ready?

I'm going to go along with what Girlvaughn has listed but I may change a few here and there.

I'll go ahead and start today.

Day one: Something you hate about yourself.

hmph. hate a strong word but I'd be straight up lying if there wasn't something I disliked about myself. I have several actually, some I'm embarrassed to admit here but if we're talking truths, then the truth it will be.
I'm a straight up flake. I tend to commit myself to something, then back out at the last minute. I find it hard to commit to anything really. Jeff always wonders why we've lasted so long as he knows I bear this not so great quality. This goes for anything and everything. For instance, we've picked out a name for our boy but when people ask, I tell them I don't have one locked down because I'm afraid I'll hate it later. I'm tricking myself you see. If I don't commit, then I won't disappoint. I've gotten better at this. I now just flat out tell people no, I'm not attending to whatever function because I simply can't. And I've gotten much better at putting things down in my date book via Iphone so I'm not saying yes when I already have something planned.

So there it is.

xot.

girl loves friday.

 
xot

"i'm kind of done with this conversation"

says girl who quickly feels bad but just as quickly doesn't.

i'm in a foul mood today.
not because it's monday.
not because i'm getting to the uncomfortable state of pregnant.
not for any one particular reason.
i just am.

the quote is how i ended a phone call with some one who will remain anonymous.
i'll most likely call anonymous back and apologize when i'm up for it which will be soon.

until then, i will continue on with my lunch break and i will leave off with some photos i took from my sunday stroll.

 

things that will make for a happier tomorrow.
**sleeping comfortably tonight.
**finishing up my WEAR dare.
**a warm chocolate chip cookie. wait, that would make this day a hell of a lot better.

dammit, i need a cookie.

xot

girl loves friday.

oh boy...what a morning so far. (work related)
days like this make me sooo thankful it's friday and that I will have 2 whole days away from here and in my own comfort zone. although home hasn't been too comforting with the whole downstairs torn to bits.
it's all good though. kitchen floors are done and the man is moving onto the living room/entry way.
i'm hoping by next weekend we'll be back to normal and I can start redecorating the walls to match our pretty, updated floors.
then it's time to move onto the nursery! can't wait to see the crib setup.

onto girl loves.

FALLLLLLLL everything.
the dark hair, sunglasses, orange scarf, beige turtleneck, denim skirt, pale legs and a well loved Louie V.
(satorialist) 

persimmons & porcelain inspo board via snippet & ink. may I add perfection?

I can see it now....me in an oversized, well-worn flannel shirt & Uggs scrapping in a sun-drenched room. I later sit by the water drinking in the calm scenery while my man chops wood for tonights fire. sigh. I want to be here right this very moment. (Tumblr)

hope you all enjoy and indulge in what's most comforting to you this weekend.
xot
 
 

like forever.

feels like I haven't blogged in ages. also feels like i haven't been up to date on current cyber events either.
it's nice to have a break from the internet but now i miss it and feel so out of the loop.
caught up on Flickr.
just now catching up on my fave blogs.
Tumblrs next. not that interested in Facebook.
and then emails.
why have emails become such a chore? i'm most likely to blame as i have a hard time keeping up. i should just respond right away, no?
maybe that'll go on my 2011 resolutions. maybe.

anyway, i'm here. catching up.
currents,a little preview of my impromptu senior session and some Studio Calico sneaks tomorrow.

xot

girl loves a beautiful fall friday.

**in my hotel room, eating my fave snack.

Holy smokes, what a week.
Just trying to play catch up with everything since returning from my quick trip to Bentonville, AR.
It went well for the most part except for the plump feet and long flight.
Glad to be back home, sleeping in my own bed, snuggled with my guys.
Jeff + Butters + Baby = better sleep
I woke up with my dog resting his head on my big ol' belly. The baby was kicking and I wondered if the pup could feel it. I'm also looking at the pup in a whole new light after reading Racing in the Rain. I haven't finished it yet but so far...it's really good. I've teared up several times already.

I've been away from my beloved google reader so I don't have any "girl loves" for you today.

Happy weekend folks. I'll be scrapping, eating, resting, and redecorating. Any big weekend plans for you?
xot

girl loves friday.

joy.
although I don't really get to enjoy the holiday weekend as I will be traveling to Arkensas for business.
i'm really not looking forward to the long plane ride but I've got my book and borrowing my coworker's Bose headphones. that should get me through the hard parts of traveling.
(thanks Deanna for the recommended read.)

girl loves:

Old school toys. (oh dee doh)

Cool shop name. (Garance Dore)
I've always wanted to own my own little flower shop. still do.
umm...yeah...girl loves cute kittens. even though girl is alergic to kittens. (artpixie)

**the chicken apple goat cheese salad I'm about to chow down on. 
**driving to get lunch with the window rolled down, enjoying the fall sun and breeze.
**peach freezes. delish.
**studio calico everything.

happy friday!
xot

falling up.

um, hello? where did August go? where did the whole summer go?
I can't believe I'm sitting here in riding boots and a scarf already.
I actually used my car starter this morning. That chill is definitely in the air.
Not that I'm complaining. Just the opposite.
I love my boots and scarves and layers.
I love the clean, refreshing, cool air.
I love that the leaves are turning various shades of gold, and copper.
Everyone seems to be in a fall loving mood.
It's that changing season where we all make new goals for ourselves, change our wardrobe, maybe a new haircut.
It's all just so good.

We celebrated our last weekend of summer at the state fair.
 
Good times.
Out of all the gooey, cheesy, fried foods, I craved Hawaiian shaved ice the most.
Not that I didn't indulge in those delicious fried foods but that flavored ice was the best.
These craving are so weird. I can't even described how good something tastes when I crave it like no other thing.
 

Didn't really get much picture taking done. Wasn't about to lug my Canon around in the rain. I did manage to take a few Polaroids though. Funny thing is none of them are ferris wheel shots. Most are just flowers. I don't really go near the rides while we're at the fair. I'm mostly admiring the gardens.
Speaking of Polaroids, I've had a few emails about whether or not I'll have 2011 calendar.
The answer is YES.
I'll also be taking pre-orders since they sold out so quickly last year.
I'm hoping they'll be available to ship by October. I will also be offering a mini version of the calendars as well.
Stay tuned for updates.

So long summer.
Hello Fall.
xot

girl loves...thursday?

ha.
yes, this girl loves thursday.
why? because it's actually her friday.
don't hate.
I decided to take a long weekend for the opening of the state fair and my sweet darling husbands birthday.
Oh, before I forget, a quick shout out the old man who's birthday is today.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO THE GREATEST FATHER EVER.
Love you dad. aka old man river. aka willie.

 
Studio Calico goes live tomorrow night! 

 Pink Slipstamps. Get 'em while they're available in the shop. You'll be sorry when they're'e gone!
 
The colors and theme of this wedding. (Stephanie Williams blog)
If I ever had a wedding re-do, this would be it.

This punch of green in a stark room. (you are my fave blog)

 
These boots.
I've got boots and scarves on the brain right now. Caramel/tobacco brown & charcoal gray are my go to fall wardrobe colors. Purchased scarf yesterday, just need want boots.  (found Pretty Mommy)

Perfect lunch to go. 
One of these days I'll get my sh*t together and pack a healthy lunch. (the kitchn)

happy weekend lovey dovies.
xot

random and a few goals.

the only layout I was able to completely finish this weekend.

so quick I didn't even get a chance to crop it properly. (for stephanie's studio calico blog challenge)
I'd also like to add that this particular ultrasound, our son was being a little stubborn and would not flip over for the tech. He was comfortably resting facing down while his elbows were on his knees.

*a random note. I have found the cure to my marshmallow feet which swelled to an all time high over the weekend. 
Toms (aka ninja shoes) + lot's of water - high sodium foods = normal size feet and ankles. 

I've been seeing some simple goals floating around the blogasphere today. I wonder if my goals differ from my daily to do lists. After putting some thought into this, here's what I've come up with:

1. Simplify EVERYTHING. 
This has been a long time goal of mine. It's not just about purging and organizing. It's about keeping my hectic life down to bare minimums, especially when baby comes. 
2. Be more PRO-ACTIVE with my photography business.
I've been really lazy about this since becoming pregnant. My confidence level sort of sank after the 2 weddings I did but I did get a bit of a boost after my senior session. I know what I want to do, it's a just a matter of doing it. It's also a matter of finances. Photography is not a cheap business.
3. To be the BEST MOM I can be.
I don't remember who said this or where it came from but it always stuck with me. 
Be a parent first and a friend second.
I consider my father to be one my best friends but growing up, he new when to throw down as a parent. I hope that I can find that balance as well.
4. To stick with our 5 YEAR PLAN.
It's actually down to 4 years now. It's to fix our home, sell it, buy a new home and take our first family vacation to Disneyland.

xot

girl loves friday.

hey, what do you know...it's friday again.
lot's of shenanigans this week, all wedding related.
think I've finally nailed down an ensemble for the big day but the dress I thought I was going to wear tonight for the rehearsal dinner is now a scotch tighter than when I had tired it on last week. hmph.
I'll make it work.
In addition to my dress being tighter, my feet are now puffing out of my favorite black pumps. Not a pretty sight but again, I'll make it work.
I suppose that's what you do when your're over the halfway mark in your pregnancy.
You make it work. Thank you for your wise advice Tim Gunn.

Onto girl loves.

One of my first jobs was an internship with the Attorney General's Office here in Anchorage. My very first office job! Not a fun one at all but are they ever? Anyway, not to get off topic here but I remember a particular legal assistant who made the best peanut butter & chocolate crispy treats. I had to hurry and grab one before the attorney's gobbled them up. They were sssoooo good. I sort of forgot about them until I did my daily blog roll and came upon this: (found a cup of jo, smitten kitchen)

they look to be the same bars. this is what I'll be making Sunday afternoon and possibly sharing with my coworkers (if they're not all eaten up by Sunday night)

This particular passage from Jessica O'Brien's blog, Under Construction.

"i sometimes forget how important it is to spend time with people on different paths than your own + to make new friends. (read: natural introvert) because they expand your mind. open you up to possibilities you hadn't seen for yourself. make you reconsider your ways of doing things"

I can't even begin to explain how much this hits home for me. I am an introvert all the way. Always have been, always will be. But in the past year I have met a lot of new women who I now consider friends. Women that have opened me up to new possibilities and have definitely made me reconsider a lot of my ways.
I loved reading this on Jessica's blog.

If I ever had the opportunity ( & bucks) to take a photography course, it would be this one.
NYC in the fall + ultra creative photographers = a blown mind. (K mentioned how awesome NYC is in the fall)

lastly, here are some highlights of my August Break.

8/1:current craving.

 8/6:first preggo polaroid, 22wks

 
8/8:sunday stroll with dog and camera.

 

happy friday!
xot

girl loves friday.

I feel and look way bigger than all my other pregnant acquaintances that are around this mark.
What's up with that? 
And I assure you, there's just one in there. 
Jeff made this comment last night when I was trying on my new/used maternity jeans.
"daaammmmmnnnn"
Thanks dear.
I did treat myself to an awesome, relaxing pedicure yesterday after work. 
My poor feet have been so swollen this past week but at this point I refuse to give up my cute flats and wedges. Surely this will change soon.
Another week done with. Another weekend that'll fly by.
I don't mind being busy but sometimes I want things to just slow down for a bit.
So the dishes will get done instead of piling up in the sink.
So I can catch up on laundry once again.
So I can sit down and scrap the photos I've taken.
So I can just breathe.
Not really looking for pity here. We're all busy. The whole world is busy.
I get it.

onto girl loves.

seriously contemplating grey walls for the nursery. (ohdeedoh)

 
my goodness, that's some detailed paper cutting. i love it. will attempt myself on a layout soon. (paper crave)

 
this has made it's circuit around the web this week. i love the idea. you all know i'm going to have like a million photos of my newbie but this is just such a special idea. how much is that kid going love these when they're older? (Mila's Daydreams)

 
 
my father in laws massive pom pom peonies and the white cranes I snagged from our paper crane extravaganza. (photos are mine)

  
happy weekend friends,
xot
  

currents.

listening: to a cd my dad burned for me.
eating: Jello Tapioca pudding. I can't get enough of this sweet stuff right now.
drinking: water.
wearing: skinny jeans, billabong tee.
feeling: overwhelmed. it's been non-stop this month and will continue on to the next. I've had no time to nest which I'm really craving. especially now that we have some furniture for the nursery.
weather: cloudy with a chance of meatballs.
wanting: a pair of skinny grey maternity jeans for work but not wanting to spend a fortune.
needing: to buy another slurry of gifts for upcoming events. does it ever stop?
thinking: about the short convo I had with my mother. we haven't spoken since, I think 2000. all I can say about it is that it was awkward and now thoughts are weighing heavily on my mind and in my heart.
enjoying: the connection I had this past week with all my aunts and uncle that are visiting from Korea. I haven't seen them since leaving Korea as a baby. I only remembered my one uncle from an old photograph. He looked exactly the same.
wondering: a lot.

Studio Calico is on sale right this very moment. Amazingly the main kit and several add ons are still availble but most likely won't be for too much longer.

 
And my gallery layouts...
 
 
xot
aka
tina
aka 
teens
aka
tink
aka 
tbone
aka
girl 
 
 
 
 
 

KP Sketch Winner!

Anita A.!!!
Please email me at lifelovepaper@gmail.com

Thanks for participating!

girl loves friday and a give-away.

This week FLEW by with the blink of an eye.
This is a good thing. I seriously cannot believe July is coming to an end.
We're already talking about the State Fair which usually marks the end of summer.
This would normally make me a little depressed but because I'm expecting great change in the winter,
I'm ready to move forward.
I got a peek of my boys face yesterday. It's just amazing...this whole creating life deal.
The mr was well, everything looks great. And I'm at the halfway point which seems crazy.
It feels like I just took the pregnancy test just last week.

onto girl loves.

the grand idea of documenting the whole month of August.

My "week in the life" went totally out the window. I waited too long and now I don't even remember what went on that particular week. My camera and I have been on the outs these past few months. I'm hoping this will rekindle our love for each other.

My current must have now craving.

I love the original Andy Capp's hot fries but these are extremely hot and I cannot get enough tongue burning spice right now. gut burn to follow.

Blue, white and woodgrain. (Oh So Beautiful Paper)

 

the give-away.

Sketchbook 2 is a four week class filled with fresh sketches, easy instructions, beautiful examples, and lots of fun.  From August 2nd to August 27th a PDF will be delivered to your inbox every Monday, Wednesday, and Friday so you can work at your own pace.  By the end of the class, you'll have a complete sketchbook of 12 original sketches, 36 layouts, and an additional 36 sketches based on those creative pages. All the examples are brand new layouts, exclusive to this class... you won't see them anywhere else! The best part is that you will be receiving an example layout from me for each of the sketches, along with two example layouts from a member of the incredible Studio Calico design team.  The class will also include a private message board for questions and sharing ideas, as well as two scheduled chats - all on the awesome Studio Calico website. 

Register here.
Post here for a chance to win a spot in the sketch class. I want to know what you're loving right this very moment. I'll choose a random winner on Monday.

xot. 

currents

listening: yeah yeah yeahs.
eating: steel cut oatmeal and a grapefruit. (making up for eating at the golden arches 2 days in a row)
drinking: water.
wearing: maternity khakis, olive green pre-maternity shirt.
feeling: oh so tired. airport must have changed flight patterns, listened to the roar of planes all night and we don't even live near the airport.
weather: rain, rain, rain.
wanting: to tuck myself back into warm cozy bed.
needing: to make a final decision on the crib.
thinking: about everything.  
enjoying: naps. immensely.
wondering: where in the heck is the sd card for my little camera?!

some tumblr faves.

(+) (+) (+) (+)
 
 xot

an insane amount of fish.

dip-netting season has begun. crazy, no? that is my father, my brother is most likely the one taking the photo. 
dip-netting is where they can catch so many red salmon using huge nets. I've never gone myself, but my dad always has a lot of fun with it. and for those of you wondering about the bat pictured at the bottom....it's a gruesome tale. one I don't like to witness, therefore I stay at home.
so guess who'll be making room in their freezer? 

I would have more photos to share from my weekend but I get a lovely error message about not having enough disk space to download my raw files. wonderful. I've got to get this fixed asap.

grabbing monday by the you know what.
t