perfection is boring.

I was inpsired by Steph's post today about her "real" reality.
It's no secret that I don't sugar coat my life.
I don't always like to come on here and complain.
That's why you won't see an update for week.
I may be having a sh*t week.
Like these past few days....sh*t.
They've been few and far between though.
Especially after finally getting pregnant, all the stupid b.s. seems to mean nothing to me now.
But there are days where I've just had enough.
Here's my real reality this very week.

1. I was lied to by 2 coworkers and that infuriated me because there was no reason for it. I tossed and turned all night thinking about this incident. They were covering their ass for a mistake and tried to pin it on me when I was out of the office. Go figure.

2. I'm not a clean person and often avoid having last minute company.

3. I worry about our finances and wonder if we can afford for me to go part-time after the baby is born. I really don't want to go back to my job at all.

4. I can hold a grudge like nobody's business. I'm trying to change this.

5. There is a lot of work that needs to be done on our home. It constantly gets put off.

6. I love the kinship I share with my 3 1/2 year old niece. I hope that our friendship grows as she gets older.

7. I often have grand ideas but lack the motivation and confidence to go through with them.

8. Some mornings I wake up and wish I were in a different city.

9. Most mornings I wake up and love living in Anchorage. The sweet smell of birch trees and dew on the grass is comforting and reminds me that this is home.

10. I love my husband and we are with each other a lot. But I'm a fan of alone time which are nights when he goes to his friends house to play Modern Warfare.

11. I eat a lot of junk food, candy especially.

Donut
12. I rely heavily on spellcheck. 

 

Blog Hop

DocumentarycollectionBlogHop1 
In celebration of Studio Calico's new line, Documentary, each dt member is giving away the entire collection on their blogs.
To enter, hop to each blog, and leave a comment. Then hop back to the Studio Calico blog for another chance to win.
I want to know what your simple summer joy is right this very moment.
Today it was the sweet smell of nectarines I have on my kitchen counter.
I had the pleasure of working with Documentary over the long weekend.
My personal faves?
I'm a fan of the stickers, FabRips and the Polaroid rub-ons. You can find the entire line at Two Peas.

12wks024 
Next stop?
My sweet friend, Waleska Neris.
Don't forget to the Studio Calico blog as well.

girl loves the friday before a holiday weekend.

Well...sort of.
When you work in the wide world of retail, it gets pretty hectic insane the week before a holiday weekend.
but alas, it's Friday and I'm so ready to enjoy my extra day off.
Flowers are bought, just need some more soil and I'm the hunt for a nice lounge chair for the back yard.
I can see it now....kicking back with a big ol' glass of ice tea, a book and me soaking up the sun. (also need to purchase sun screen)
We're not big on traveling over major summer holidays. it's just too busy with only 2 highways out of Anchorage.
Nope, I'm all about chillaxin' this weekend.

Right now, it's a little after 8am and I'm taking my little break and eating my left over tamale, rice and beans from yesterday's lunch.
Yes, mexican food at 8am. The perks of being with child.

Onto girl loves......

Well, I gotta start with some SC love.

JuneReveal_Newsletter1 Newinshop Plenty left in the shop
And please do check out the dt gallery. My fellow scrappers amaze me each and every month.

This tweens room. (via Design Mom)

TweenBedroomDecor19I love how they did this on the cheap.  

Salted Caramel Brownies (via Pioneer Woman)
4627911299_ceece4e3eaMe and brownies are like this. (insert finger cross)
Seriously can't wait to try this recipe. I first came across salted caramel candies in Seattle and thought..ewe...but oh no, it was the perfect balance of sweetness and I just can't eat regular caramels anymore.

This. (via Wit+Delight)
Blowntulle1For no other reason but the mystery & glamor. Who is she and where is she going with that hot dress and to die for slingbacks? 

This outfit which looks almost identical to my weekend wear. (via Pretty Mommy found by following above link. Don't you just love when one blog leads to another awesome blog?)
Pm1flowy tee, check. destroyed jeans, check. gray chucks, check. camel leather bag, check. the only thing thats different for me arethe cuffs. I rarely leave the house without my Coach bangle but I do love the cuffs shown.
 
  
Nothing says summer light fresh berries. (via Paper Tissueon Tumblr. wish I knew the original photographer)
Tumblr_krrdiiQj1L1qzyrwvo1_500 

Now I'm really ready for the weekend.
Any big plans for you? 
Whatever they are please be safe when traveling and enjoy the summer kick off! 
XOXOXO:) 
T
 

 

girl loves friday!

fo' shizzle.
I'm in a silly mood this morning because it is gorgeous outside. Simply gorgeous.
The sun is brightly shining, the trees and grass are getting green, and I plan on skipping out of work a few hours early.
Yesssss.
Plus the kings are running and I know the guys are happy about that. (kings=salmon=yummy)
Nothing better than freshly caught salmon baked on the grill with some salt, pepper and few slices of lemon.
As I type this post, I look down to admire my freshly manicured nails.
Turquoise is the color, inspired by my friend.
Not sure if this is something I can fully pull off since my skin is so pale but it's fun for summer days.
Oh and let me add 2 more things to not say to not only a pregnant woman but one who has struggled to become pregnant. Granted these 2 ladies where "joking", I just didn't care for their comments.
1. "I'm sorry" (said from the snake in the grass employee)
2. "You whore" (said from the 20 something, potty mouthed employee)
I kid you not.
And because I could really care less about the opinions of these 2 women, I'm brushing it off but I thought I would give you an idea of what I'm working with.

Onto girl loves.

I'm seeing so many beautiful things from the stationary show. Wish I was there. (via Old So Beautiful Paper)
Ink + Wit stamps. so cute.
Sapling & Press. what I want our baby announcements to look like.

This quote: (via Kind Over Matter)
4517890991_695bf3d9b5 

Studio Calico rubber stamps:
Typolayout014 Creeping my way back into creative life. More picture taking, more personal scrapbooking.
Kitchensill 51810016 
Online magazines. (just found this one and I looove. I cannot wait to share my camera with my young one)
Page_73_74
So true for me, especially Friday nights. (can't remember where I originally found this)
Tumblr_l23sgca9iK1qac70uo1_400 

happy friday!
t

I will never forget the struggle.

4528520176_c6994ea38a
I've been meaning to write this post since I first became pregnant.
I know there are still quite a few of you who have followed my blog and who have shared the same path of struggling with infertility.
Even though I'm pregnant now after 4 years of trying, I will never forget the struggles and heartache and the whole self discovery process infertility has brought me, not to mention what's it's done for our marriage.

With so many pregnancy announcements, I know they are bittersweet.
I know the feeling. You're happy for that person but.... not that happy.
I'm not sure what the right thing to say to you at this point since I am pregnant now. I hated the usual "hang in there, it'll happen", "try not to think about it, and poof, it'll just happen". Yeah right.
I did try that and you know what? It didn't work, not for me at least.
What I can offer is some insight as to why I think it happened for me this year.
Of course I did have an IUI. I had no major issues, did all the testing and was basically put into the "unexplained category". Very helpful (said with the utmost sarcasm)
We decided 3 IUI's at the most. Then it was time for another path.
When the 3rd came along, I had done a lot of soul searching and crying and came to the conclusion that I was ready to give up on conceiving. What I was not going to give up on was becoming a mother.
I had plans to meet with a woman who had adopted a baby from China. She would share her contacts and fill me in on the process. My husband and I were set on making the journey East to bring home a child.
I was completely and totally content with our decision.
So when I lay on the table, knees in the air, I felt at peace. That was so different than my last IUI's.
I wondered and hoped and prayed I would get pregnant where as this last procedure, I lied there, reading Anthony Bourdain's Kitchen Confidential (Jamaica's book recommendation) and waited for the nurse to come in to tell me I could leave. Of course I said a little prayer and left it in God's hands.
I feel know the combination of being content and at peace with my outcome no matter what it would be, played a huge part in my pregnancy. I fully trusted my future and his plans. No doubt what so ever.
I know that sounds easy but it's not for a woman who has been trying to conceive for so long.
But through this journey, I have learned a great deal about myself.
For one, I'm secure in the woman that I am today.
I know it's ok to let go and cry and to show weakness.
I learned to lean on others. That was so hard for me to do.
I learned how to pick myself up after falling hard.
I love my husband more now than I ever have before. He has been the biggest support and overall comfort.
I learned to not only stay positive for a short amount of time but to embrace only positive thinking as a whole. I still have days where I'm a grump, I'm not even going to front about that.
And I'm not going to act like an spokesperson for infertility. I know there are those who have been through far more painful procedures and have tried for many, many years.
This is just my story.
Don't give up, just let go.

(photo via Kind Over Matter)

10 things.

1. Microwave bacon isn't half bad.
2. I've got a bit of a chip on my shoulder this morning for no particular reason other than being tired and not wanting to get out of bed.
3. I'm addicted to June's kit. Pretty much all of my faves from CHA.

4613601457_5e296a5435_o 4613601461_3a56c6cfa1_o4. I will probably never go back to the Glacier Brewhouse to eat again after yet another bad service. I can just recreate their delicious blue cheese salad. 
5. It was a nice weekend to go to the market. I got my bag of mini cinnamon donuts. 
6. I feel like the only thing that will get me through this day is my Band Of Horses Pandora mix and making said blue cheese salad. 
7. I've got 3 mini book covers made but no pages. 
8. I added the movie Eastern Promises to my top ten.
9. I want to go home and scrap and take a nap.
10. People are starting to talk around my office wondering if I'm pregnant. I'm to the point where I can suck in my gut anymore. 

That's all. 
T
 

Girl Loves Friday!!!!!

mmm...it's so comforting to know that this time tomorrow I will be sleeping in and snuggling with Jeff and the pup. I'm also thinking of heading downtown for the market. I'm seriously craving those fresh mini cinnamon donuts that you get still warm from the fryer. That will be my first stop. Maybe my only since the market is geared towards tourists and I'm not needing any kind of native art or alaska sausage at the moment.

I will then be lock down in my home to finish up editing and burning the photos I took from my first wedding shoot. I have one more wedding and that will be it for me. I knew it was going to be a lot of work but you never know if you're good at something until you try. After this past shoot I feel I'm 1. not good at directing a large group of people 2. not good at the constant go, go, go. The most important aspect is that it wasn't fun and it's definitely not my type of photography. Don't get me wrong, the wedding itself was a joyful occasion and a fun one at that but actually working at a wedding was not. I also did not enjoy the neck cramp I endured a week afterwords due the heavy lens I chose to use and 3 weeks of editing. It's one thing if this was my sole profession but it's not. I work a regular job and to be quite honest, the last thing I want to do when I get home from work, especially now that I'm pregnant, is to get back in front of a computer and edit, edit, edit.

So what's my type of photography? I'm much more comfortable with newborns and individuals. I like the slower pace and the one on one interaction much much better. It suits my personality much more as well. It's so delightful to work with young ones  than a huge group of adults on a day of rushing around. I always admired those wedding photographers that take stunning photographs and now have great respect for what they do.

Onto girl loves.

So I'm starting to be on the lookout for cute baby stuff and one of the important things on my list is a cute diaper bag. I know, not really super important but I don't want to get into clothes and nursery stuff right now. The thing is, I'm having a really hard time finding one I like until I saw this one.

2010-05-10-charlie I must have it. It doesn't even look like a diaper bag and that's what I love the most. (found via Ohdeedoh)

I also want to brush up on my sewing skills so I can make a few of my own crib sheets. How inspiring is this classroom? 

I've always liked chocolate and ice cream but now I crave it daily. I've been stopping in Baskin Robbins once a week for a quart of my favorite ice cream ever, World Class Chocolate but It's getting spendy and I'm looking for other ways to satisfy my craving. I came upon this recipe and I knew this would be it.
4595785260_c519bdf87e You had me at hello.

This girls style minus the cancer stick.
51110Claude_9885Web 
a few of my favorite stamps getting the pink slip. get 'em before they're gone!PinkSlipFEB my favorite add on that includes most of my picks from CHA winter 2010. washi tape!!
E1273768945 Add2clsuptina Sneak Peeks for June's kit and add on's here
 

Happy Friday!
T

girl craves friday.

wiping my hands clean of this week. it was sort of dull. at least the warm sun made it's appearance here in Alaska. we're all happy about that. i am looking forward to my visit to the greenhouse this weekend to pick up some lovelies. i love strolling around with my wagon and hand picking blooms. so relaxing and worth the long winter.

because i spend a ton of time on google reader, today's friday post will be what blogs this girls loves the most.

these I have filed under my inspire file:

Dispatch From LA. I really enjoy her notebook collages. It reminds me of the way I use to scrap.
June Craft. I look forward to her desktop downloads for my work computer.
Karen Russel.
Paper + Cup.
Simplesong random inspiration.
Sandra Juto.
Daily Imprint.

my daily reads: (the blogs I head to first)
Garance Dore
The Satorialist
The Image is Found, Personal Blog
Cake Wrecks. This one always gives me a good laugh.
A Cup fo Jo.
Pioneer Woman. Funny, witty and awesome recipes.

food blogs:
Sprouted Kitchen. Beautiful food photography.
Smitten Kitchen.
Bakerella.

photography: (I have a ton book marked but I list my very favs)
Michelle Moore.
Erin Vey
Caroline Tran

scrapbookers:
Eye Candy.
Ali Edwards.
The Good Life I'm so happy to JP blogging again!
Waters Five.

my girls.
The whole SC gang which is on the sidebar there>>>>
Jamaica Makes
Creative Blessing
Hey Jen Renee

I've got a ton more but these are the one's I keep up with the most. Hopefully there's a few in there that are new to you. I'm always excited when I come across a new blog.

Glad you all understood where I was coming from in yesterday's post. I enjoyed a Nachos Bel Grande from Taco Bell without any guilt. Because the bean get what the beans wants....for now. :)

Happy mom's day to all you special ladies out there. Hope the weather is beautiful where ever you are.
Happy weekend,
T

Mosaicd199316067fbb0dfb94de18551cdf09a1038e729

 
 

a brief post.

I don't want this blog to turn into a pregnancy blog.
But I have started to compile a list of things to NOT say to a pregnant woman.

1. "this must be part of the pregnancy mood swing thing."
2. "you're eating again?"

The first one I could deal with. The second, not so much. It was just plain rude and came out of the mouth of a woman who is completely obsessed with dieting. I'm already feeling some what self conscious about my food intake but if it curbs my nausea, then so be it.

Venting here. Forgive me for 2 pregnancy posts in a row.

Back to work.
T

at 8 weeks & 4 days, I....

am obsessed with asian pears & cantaloupe.
am feeling some what better as far as morning sickness goes.
am getting a tiny bit of roundness to my belly.
feeling fat.
have no desire to take pretty pictures. I hope pray that this feeling goes away.
am positive I do not want to be a wedding photographer. More on this later.
am forgetting simple things.
still have a weird yucky taste in my mouth when I'm not eating or drinking.
still do not want coffee anywhere near me.
looking for a decent pair of pants.
will be going to the mall to purchase a few Bella Bands.
am already getting people tickling my belly and cooing. I especially love this from my niece who gently pokes me and say "you got a baby in there?"
want to take out my mood swings on a coworker right now. But I won't. I am trying very hard not to.
can no longer watch FoodTV which I use to watch ALL THE TIME. I now love the History Channel & MTV2.
looking forward to diving into the new Sookie novel.
can't wait to go home and scrapbook tomorrow's Dare and my "a week in the life" mini.

I scrapped this last night using Studio Calico's Anthology line and the new Coordination paper. Cool stuff.
Anthoapril 
xo, t.

girl loves friday.

So my "week in the life" was mostly taken by my IPhone. A lot of times I would forget I was documenting my week so I really don't have much to show. Plus my life, right now revolves around the office, food and sleeping. There's really not much else going on in our household.
 AWEEK

A typical weekday goes something like this:

4:40 alarm goes off, hit snooze.
4:50 alarm goes off, hit snooze again.
5:00 alarm goes off. Slowly get up out of bed while moaning and groaning.
Turn on the news.
Go downstairs and make and Eggo waffle. I got tired of saltines and dry cereal.
Morning cup of coffee is now a morning cup of juice, preferably apple.
Make up, run a brush through my hair, wet down my bangs and blow dry.
Try to find something decent to wear to work.
Kiss the pup and J goodbye.
5:35 out the door, sometimes I stop by the grocery store to pick up more food to eat throughout the day.
6:00 arrive at the office, get settled, check emails and in box for tasks.
7-10 boring work stuff.
10:00 lunch. I either go out and run errands or close my office door and take a nap.
11-3 more boring work stuff
3:00 I'm peeling out of the parking lot and headed home.
3:15 home. finally. let the pup out and love on him for a bit.
3:30 eat again.
4:00 sometimes I nap, sometimes I'm rubbing my belly wishing for the nausea to go away, sometimes I'm feeling well enough to do a load of laundry or make dinner but that's very rare these days.
4:45 J comes home from work, pup goes nuts.
5:00 dinner, chill, talk.
6:00 editing photos, working on backing up older photos to disks. this has been a very time consuming task.
7:00 eat a little something. shower.
8:00 I'm usually in bed forcing myself to stay up a little longer because it feels really lame to be in bed at 8.
8:30 I'm in dreamtown.

Told you. Not much excitement here. Weekends are better though.
I've got my niece staying over tonight. I'm thinking I may have her do a little scrapbooking with me. I plan on printing some pictures of her mom and dad and baby brother and have her make something for them. We'll see how the pans out. Things never really go as planned when she's staying over. :)

Girl Loves.....

Highly anticipating the return of True Blood. Highly. And I'm anxious for the new mini episodes they've been talking about.

TB3_Horiz_Generic
And the new Charlaine Harris book coming out May 4th. Yay!
 Deadinthefamily 
Japanese tape DIY. Some really awesome ideas.

Not much else for me other than a reminder about all the NSD challenges due tomorrow night. See my post below for the deets.

Thank you for all the well wishes and congrats on us finally getting pregnant. I haven't had the chance to respond or blog hop but hopefully soon. For now....I. must. nap.

Happy Friday folks!

scrappies.

May's revealwas a stunner. I always want to scrap immediately when I check out the SC DT gallery. Those girls amaze me each and every month.
Here are my layouts for May:

Taurlvd Taunit Taeyes Taexplr Tabliss 
 
Last week I had the pleasure of being a GDT for the Crate blog. Crate is on my all time favorite companies and I was hugely honored to be asked to create for them.

20100418_1931 20100418_1933 20100418_1934 
 
I'm so excited for Saturday. What's going Saturday you ask? It's National Scrapbook Day silly. I'm in the process of clearing of my desk and gathering supplies. I've got a list of projects I'd like to accomplish as well as partake in the NSD fun over at Studio Calico

SC_MayPromo_NSBD2

Each dt gal has a challenge planned and giving away a $10 SC gift card. You can go here to see the master challenge list. 
My challenge? Scrap your avatar. No, not the blue people. Your profile photo from Studio Calico. So get your photo printed and get ready to scrap Saturday!
There's also another sweet give away. April is offering 2 6 month memberships. Simply refer a friend to Studio Calico. Have her or him create an account. Then add yourself to the monster thread that will be posted on Saturday. Easy peasy. More time for scrapbooking. :)

girl needed a break. (friday's post turns into monday's.)

Haven't been around much.
Really just needed a break from certain things. Seems to be a theme amongst other bloggers.
It's necessary.

Let's see if I can round up some loves for this Friday Monday.

First, I wasn't going to partake in the a week in the life fun because 1) my house is a mess and I'm not about to post photos of me in it doing random things. 2) i've been extremely tired and lazy and unmotivated.
There is a reason for my complete laziness.

Mosaic97068e03813f9edbbe6ce4c3f67968c8c00ccc871. <a href="http://flickr.com/photos/68522937@N00/2969858450/">Don'tworry, be happy!, 2. <a href="http://flickr.com/photos/68992997@N00/1780791583/">BigBrother, 3. <a href="http://flickr.com/photos/68992997@N00/2071049577/">OopsI did it again :), 4. <a href="http://flickr.com/photos/12142259@N00/3538384651/">...decisions...>

(so lazy, I couldn't even put up my own positive pregnancy test photo. these are all from flickr)
 
Yep, finally.
After 4 years of off again, on again trying, a lot of hope, prayers and tears, we are finally pregnant.
My last St Patty's day IUI was a success!
I know, can you believe it?! At first it didn't seem real. How many pregnancy tests have I taken and seen the negative sign? How was I to believe this test now? But the signs were there. I was tired, nauseas, missed period. After 2 blood tests and having my numbers jump over the weekend, it was confirmed.
I found out on Good Friday. I told my parents on Easter Sunday. It was a joyous occasion.
Today I am exactly 7w3d. We had our first ultrasound this past Wednesday and saw the flicker of a heartbeat.
Sweet.
Our little bean.
Due December 7th.

Other than that little diddy I've been holding in, not much else to report other than me constantly eating to curb the nausea, coming to terms with the loss of our pet and finally getting some of my energy back. That means clean house! I have an overwhelming urge to clean and to scrapbook.

And I will be doing my "a week in a life" starting today because I'm extremely inspired by this sweet life.

Other loves?
This family photo session by Ryan Ray. absolutly stunning and original.

This delicious beverage from The Kitchn.

2010_04_14-AguaFresca 
The idea of creating a writing space for a child to learn that letter writing is not a lost artfrom. Ohdeedoh blog.

hhmm...hard to think of loves on a grey Monday but here's some things I'm enjoying this morning...
*peach italian sodas. I have completely given up on coffee. I can't stand the taste. 
*a huge ass peanut butter cookie for breakfast. half a bagel before that.
*my big sweatshirt which I actually wore to work. i dressed it up a little but whatevs. it's a casual office.
*this holiday

SC_MayPromo_NSBD2 
 
more to come tomorrow. 
happy monday!
t

 

girls heart is mending.

I have the best blog readers. You all are so sweet. Reading each comment and receiving dozens of virtual hugs has certainly helped this broken heart. Especially those who have had to do the hard task of letting a beloved pet go.
I went through all of our photos and slowly regained my smile remembering each and every moment captured with her. I'll probably start her very own scrapbook this weekend. I know that will help even more.

Although I feel better and it is Friday, I don't really care to do a "girl loves friday" post today. I'll post some Studio Calico sneaks instead. : )

SneakMayWebsiteBanner Main peek ta Peek add on ta Peek add on ta 3 The first is the main, Granny's Cupboard.
The second is from the Trinkets add on.
The third is from Knick Knacks.  

Happy Friday,
Tina 

how do you a heal a broken heart,

Yesterday was one of the hardest days of my life to date.
I put my best friend to sleep.
My heart aches and I'm having a really hard time dealing with this sadness.
I know time heals. I know she's in a better place. I know this was the right thing to do.
This doesn't help the emptiness I feel inside.
She will be missed greatly and I can only hope that she's running through a sunny field, grinning from ear to ear surrounded by an endless supply of tennis balls and milkbones.
TootieCrystal aka Tootie aka Mama Bear. July 1996-April 2010.
Goodbye friend. 

nina shoot

DuoninaNina3 
Besides my nagging cough, Saturday's shoot with Nina went well.
She's got this Marylin Monroe quality about her and was quite fun to shoot since she was open and constantly giving me different poses.

Blog3Blog1
I love this last shot with her braces.

Blog 5
So, my 2 cents on BorrowLenses.com.
I loved it.
Shipping was fast and accurate.
Customer service is superb.
And now I know what lens I want now and which one can wait.
All of the above shots were done with the 35mm 1.4. Great lens. Definitely on my wish list.
I didn't do much with the tilt shift lens. That baby will need more than 3 days to practice with. I'm not afraid to admit that the only reason I rented it was because it seems to be hot right now amongst the cool photographers. I don't think I'll be needing it myself anytime soon. 
I do love the 24-70 although I didn't think it was as sharp as any of the prime lens I've used.

So yeah, now all I need is some money to purchase above lens. :) I'll most likely rent a few again for the upcoming wedding shoots. I'm anxious to use the 70-200. I just hope I can handle it.

Happy Wednesday,
Tina