eating: cheerios w/bananas
thinking: about how weird it will be to not be employed
wanting: a mouse + stylus for my Mac
needing: to take my camera in for repairs
creating: a chalkboard with MS paint + an old pin board.
wondering: how awkward it's going to be on my last day
loving: Tyler learning his body parts, can now show me where his belly is
2 days left.
It's starting to feel surreal and odd.
What I'm about to write is not meant to offend...it's just something I feel like I need to say out load.
I never ever thought I would be a stay at home mom.
Never say never, right?
When I was pregnant with Tyler, I remember being adamant about working after he was born. I've always worked. At the time, I liked my job. I liked getting up in the morning with a purpose and using my head to solve a multitude a problems. Tackling various tasks, chit chatting around the water cooler...all of those things you do when you work in an office.
I thought I had it all figured it out. That was the Tina who was niave and had no effing clue about motherhood. Not one. I had my own idea but it's no where near the reality of actually being a mom. People (other moms) warned me about the possibility of wanting to stay home after Tyler was born. Nope, I told them. Not me. I will be returning to work in 3 months, ready + willing.
I was neither.
The day Tyler was put into my arms, everything changed. EVERYTHING. That's not just some cliche from a Gerber commercial. My hopes, my dreams, my heart....it all became more significant. I no longer just wanted to live coasting by like I've always done. I didn't want to tuck away goals or brush away ideas. My job was no longer satisfying and quite frankly, the frustration I felt was starting to wear on me. Then my grandmother passed away last fall. So there's the equation. The birth of my son after 4 years of trying + a job I no longer enjoyed + the loss of my grandmother, whose influence helped shape the person I am today = ONE HELLAVA LIFE CHANGE.
I'm always weary about bringing up this whole stay at home versus working mom thing. Not trying to start any kind of debate. Really, there's no debate to be had. Each choice is so very personal and no one person can ever say which is right or wrong. I already feel as though I'm defending my choice to people who ask me, "what are you going to do now?" Some one actually mentioned something about me watching soap operas in my pjs. Are you kidding me? You think I'm quitting my job to stay home and watch tv? How do you reply to something like that?
I feel like I'm babbling now so I'll leave off by giving you a peek at the Currents downloadable PL cards available this Friday.
I'm already working on the next round of cards and yes, I will have the first series restocked soon. :)
Oh and one last thing. My blog is a bit of a mess right now. Working with Wordpress is quite the learning experience. So please excuse the mess. :)
**the image was pinned from Tumblr but I can't find the original source. If you know that person or you are that person, please contact me at email@example.com.